Satire needs a rewrite

well, my writing workshop teacher was impressed with the second draft of my satire. the first draft was edited by the students, and the woman that had mine totally marked it up. I hope the teacher didn't have a problem reading it....

she commented that the description of the process was a good addition and i should include more information about why gelatin is harmful.

hee hee i feel like the young girl from a studio ghibli movie. now i have to do the research to make my story believable. it's kind of exciting.

well spring break is here and i have lots of work to catch up on.

~wyn

Satire - Draft II

Here is my second draft of "The Meating."
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“Dr. Roberts, we thank you for taking the time from your research to share some of the progress you have made in your field.”

A tall man stood up at the front of the boardroom, statistical papers in hand. At the mention of Dr. Roberts, he gestured at a young woman sitting to his immediate left. Around the table, seven pairs of eyes moved from his figure, to hers.

The young woman pushed her chair away from the table and stood, gathering a remote control, clipboard and pen. She nodded to her introducer, then walked to a podium at the end of the room.

“Thank you, Mr. Sohn, and to you, ladies and gentlemen, for having me here today. Our research firm is aware of your superb customer service, and we strive to make that first priority.

“For 15 years, we’ve been studying the eating habits from around the world. Tests have shown a growing number of people concerned about food ingredients.”

“It’s a horrible thing,” an older gentleman pounds his fist on the table.

“Yes, sir. These results are disturbing. If we can discover methods to mask Product A - make it virtually undetected - your customer satisfaction will not suffer.

Using the remote control, Dr. Roberts dims the lights and begins her presentation at the opposite end of the room. The first slide appears and on it, an illustrated cow and the heading, Making Product A.

“Let me explain why Product A is not desirable as is.”
She clicks the remote and a new slide appears.

“In order to make Product A:

• Bones, skin, cartilage and tendons from cows and pigs are cut up and washed to remove any dirt or inorganic substances.
• These pieces are de-greased and de-mineralized by one of two solutions: an acid solution is used for bones and rough skin, while an alkaline-acid mixture is used for more tender skin.
• Warm water is added to form liquor, and is filtered as a final step to remove any un-pure substances.
• Vacuums remove the remaining water until the liquor has a syrupy consistency.
• To remove the risk of contamination, the solution is exposed to high temperatures.
• At this point the solution is cooled, minced, and dried to be cut into smaller particles.
• Final testing ensues, and the end product is customized for the customer’s satisfaction.”[i]

The members around the table are impressed at the detail that goes into their product. They would applaud, but they are waiting for the finale.

“You can see why we must mask this process. The general public would not approve of having Product A in many of their foods. And that’s why I’m here, ladies and gentlemen, to show you how your product can be hidden.

“Several products that line the supermarket shelves can include Product A.”
The current slide shows a box of Pop Tarts.

“A quick breakfast treat, filled with sugar and a fruit gel inside. To keep the fruit from melting or leaking from the pastry, why not add Product A?”

Someone mumbled and another nodded in approval.

Dr. Roberts clicked to the next slide. A box of Frosted Mini-Wheats appeared.

“What better way to keep the sugar coating on than to add a bit of Product A for an edible bond.”

More murmuring, this time, the approval was audible. However, one member was doubtful.

“If we know these consumers scrutinize the ingredients, what can we do to quell them,” an older woman quirked her brow.

Dr. Roberts smiled and put down her remote.

“That is the final step of integration. Once we give Product A a name, far from its meaning, people will use it freely without thinking about its origin.”

“And what name would that be, Dr. Roberts,” Mr. Sohn asked this time, a smile on his face. He was fully aware of what her answer would be.

Dr. Roberts picked up the remote, clicked for the last time and revealed a picture of a small child eating Jell-O.

“We’ll call it, gelatin.”

Applause ripped through the boardroom. Many members stood and moved to shake the hand of a brilliant scientist that found out how to make their product more successful.

The company’s plan was to include gelatin in everything. Film in cameras, plastic in bags, clothing, medicinal remedies, nail polish and its remover, as well as food. This would be the greatest advance in their company history.
Unfortunately, the products you’ve read above actually have these ingredients. Look at the ingredients of everything you eat. You’ll be surprised at the frequent occurrence of gelatin. Hopefully, we can get rid of the use of this horribly unnecessary product.


[i] Process practiced by the Gelatin Manufacturers Association of Asia Pacific - http://www.gmap-gelatin.com/how_made.html
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It still needs work (another product of my procrastination) but maybe i'll get to work on it once more.