Thursday, October 12, 2006

freewrite - a little on the sad side

constantdrowning, fricken cockroaches - infesting all parts of the scity, not to mention the damn rabts at 3am in the morning, more like 5 but who can tell when your eyes are still closed and you hae ve to go to work. miss him, miss him terribly, then i get the sinking feeling like when you're not wanted. it's not a pleasante feeling. thought i would not get that again that i ofound someone that might have made that go away, turns out at some point in time, everyonen may feel that way about you. i don' t want to feel that way about anyone, because i know hot w it is on the receiving end.

just a meatter of fime. damn my typing is horribel. don't want to body to get in the way. sexual feelings are one thing, but theysh ouldn't be the only thing. just want to be held, want to watch mets games in someones arms. getting that now, just whaeve a sinking feelin g that it will end.

hurting. doesn't want to speak to me anymore that's okay, and understandable. no pressure omcoming from my side of things. i undersatand there's opain, i understand healing must be done and i don't know if we can aever be friends again. time will tell.

that hurts, but is also freeing. he'll make it without me. perhaps it was wrong to think he needed me so much, but it's hard not to think people don't need me. yeah , i'm selfish that way, i guess. maybe more o.. more egotistical. but it's all in the aname of caring and all that. too bad i can't see myself needing ahnyone elsea. that's what got me into this mess in the first place.

thinking about revamping all my blogs. maybe make into one with tsome pages, then i get lazy. can't even keep up with some of my school work . invetensive classes suck because therey're just one after another after another and if you miss haeflf a lclass you're prettye much screwed tof rhtela;flksjdfl for teh rest of the esemester. don't want to fail this one, it's oimporattant. i know i can learn the coding and all the parameters, ubut i'm missing so much of fthe foundation, what can i do.

work will get better. changes are being made and ewe'll avhave a bit less stress than we have been. omost importantl,y, people will like calling the help desk again. gotata amake sure we get these people what they need.

drained and drowning. not sure chawhat to do next. don't liketo go to sleep at night. it's hard being alone............