The Christmas Diner

Stepping off the bus she thanked the driver.  "Merry Christmas, Frank… thanks for working today."

"No problem, Cathy.  You'll be okay out there?"

"Yeah, i'll be okay."

The doors closed and she walked toward the building.  The stores on that block had long since closed but light fell on the sidewalk from one set of windows.  A neon sign flickered 'Open' and she stepped through the door.

Inside was fuller than she imagined.  Booths were all filled on one side and tables had many empty chairs.  She opted for the counter since it wasn't so bad sitting alone at a table for one.  As she sat down, she realized everyone was sitting alone.  So was the tradition at the Christmas Diner.

People came from uptown, downtown, east and west of the city to this one place.  It was the only diner open 24 hours even on holidays.  While everyone had dinner with the families, they stayed open with a seat for those that could not share with their loved ones.

She swiveled around and took a menu from the stand.  It wasn't Thanksgiving but a turkey dinner sounded really good right about now.  A waitress stopped over and took a pencil from her hair.  She had on thick black rimmed glasses, bright red lipstick and heavy eyeliner.  Her smile was genuine.

"What can I get for you, hun?"

"I'll have the turkey deluxe, please and some ginger ale" Cathy quietly requested.

"You got it… hey, you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine.  Hey, i have a question… Why is everyone asking that?"

The waitress put the pencil back in her hair, looked out the window and smiled.  A bell hanging over the door rang as a new customer entered.  "Maybe he'll explain."

Cathy looked over with her eyes but kept her head forward.  Through peripheral vision she could make out a tall figure with a hat and winter jacket on.  He made his way to the counter and sat a seat away from her.  He took off the hat, placed it on the unoccupied side of the counter and asked for some hot, black coffee.  It was his voice that Cathy noticed first.

Sadness rose from the depths of a baritone throat.  He knew what he wanted but didn't demand, only requested.  He offered respect with authority and wouldn't take advantage with the powers he was given.  He turned toward Cathy and raised his newly delivered coffee cup.  

"Merry Christmas, miss."

"M-Merry Christmas" Cathy hesitated.  She was staring and hadn't realized her head had turned toward him completely. So drawn in was she to his voice.  With a smile she folder her hands and turned her attention to her suddenly unacceptable cuticles.

The waitress brought Cathy a place setting of a cloth napkin, knife fork and spoon. Her ginger ale came next and then her plate of food.  The meal smelled delicious and she was starving, but curiosity turned her head toward her new neighbor.

"What do you think you'll have for dinner tonight?"

"Not sure yet.  Just worried about keeping warm for now.  Looks like you have a meal ready for a King, or a Queen perhaps?" He laughed and her heart ached.  She knew that laugh.  It was a way of protection to keep others out where they don't belong.  If someone was laughing you couldn't tell they were hurting, right?

She sighed in sympathy without realizing it.  He looked up from his coffee to catch her gaze but she already turned her eyes back toward the plate. This time he sighed and put in his order.

"I'll have the turkey pot pie."

Cathy smiled and started in on her mashed potatoes.  

"I know i shouldn't talk with my mouth full, but i have to ask.  What brings you out here on Christmas day?  We all have our reasons and i see no one else here with a guest.  Y-you don't have to answer if i'm being too intrusive but i guess i'm just not feeling introverted today…" She shoved a spoonful of stuffing into her mouth before she could ramble off anything else.

"Well… it is my tradition to come here on Christmas" he replied as he was served his pot pie.  "Donna here gets me a coffee, a turkey pot pie and apple strudel every year.  I've been doing this for ten years.  What about you?"

Cathy stopped mid chew. She was't ready for his question - she was the one collecting info on this new intriguing guy. "Me…?  Well i needed some space from my apartment.  It's kind of a sad story, you probably don't want me to bring you down on such a festive holiday."

"But you came here for company, didn't you?" He looked up again from his meal.  This time he caught her eyes.  He had dark brown irises that spoke of the same sadness in his voice.

"Y-yes, I guess you're right," she put her fork down.  She didn't mean to sound so dramatic but always felt the need to explain herself.  Why couldn't she just give short answers once and a while.  

Cathy opened her mouth to begin her story when the entrance bell rang again.  An old lady with ragged clothes walked through the door.  She held a cup in her hand and rattled the few coins that were inside.  

"Can anyone spare some change, please, i'm so very hungry…" she weaved to and from all the tables.  Donna served a couple in the far corner then headed towards the old lady.  She took her gingerly by the arm and led her to a booth by the window.  She set down a cloth napkin and some silverware and handed the old woman a menu.

"Take your time, mam.  I'll be back with some water"

"I can't pay for this, child…" the woman wearily cautioned.

Donna smiled and with a wink was away to fetch some water.

Cathy closed her mouth, unable to describe the pitiful sadness she was feeling.  Shame and righteousness washed over her alternatively.  How could she be upset this season when she still had a place to live, food to eat and money to buy things. The old woman had very little and was working hard to get what she needed to live on.

"Excuse me, Donna, was it," Cathy raised her arm to get the waitress's attention.  "I'll cover the charge for that woman over there."

"Thanks, hun, but Clarice is covered here."

"Okay…" was all Cathy could say and went back to the turkey.

"So are you going to tell me the story, or what?" 

Cathy couldn't lift her eyes past his half eaten pot pie.  

He leaned in to whisper "Look, don't feel bad for Clarice.  She has many things going on in her life that may seem unfortunate for us outsiders but she has a lot going for her too.  Her mind and health are still with her, at least for now.  We all have our burdens, it's okay, if you're not ready I can wait."   Then a little more loudly he said "This pie sure is good!"

She laughed at that along with a few others in the diner.  Taking a sweeping glance, she realized that while they were all sitting alone, no one looked unhappy.  They weren't dancing in their seats but they looked content.  She wondered why.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound…"

He cut her off. "Don't apologize.  Just speak freely, you may be judged but be yourself at least."

Cathy's shoulders stiffened at that remark.  Judgement.  That was the last thing she needed right now.  

"More ginger ale, hun?" Donna making her rounds.

"Yes, please."

Cathy turned toward her neighbor and realized she never caught his name.  

"Well before i tell you, at least let me know your name? I'm Cathy" and she outstretched her hand.

"My name is Paul.  Pleasure to meet you." 

He shook her hand with a warm, firm grip and let her own hand slip out of his.   Cathy's shoulders relaxed and she was surprised by how good she felt at his touch.  She tried to think back when she'd had actual human contact.

"I'm sorr…." she stopped herself and took a breath.  This was going to be a challenge.

"It's not easy to know where to start.  So I guess i'll start with today.  This Christmas has bothered me like no others.  This is the first Christmas in 17 years where i have not had a significant other.  It's not the first time i've spent the holidays on my own - in fact i've taken pleasure being away from family on some occasions just to not have to deal with the stress.  But this time, it's not voluntary.  

"Think of having no one to share your morning or evening with.  To talk about the day's news or books or movies.  I'm an introvert by nature but my God i need someone to talk to." 

Cathy's hands started to tense up around the silverware.  Paul listened and watched her knuckles slowly turn to white.  He took a sip of coffee and set it down a little closer to Cathy.

"I have friends and hanging out with them is always a special time but it's just not the same.  There is no contact.  No brushing hair out of my face, or caressing my arms or holding me while watching a movie.  None of that… for a really long time. I need…" 

Cathy broke off when she felt her cheeks burning.  They glistened with newly dropped tears without her blinking.  She looked down, ashamed of crying but couldn't bring herself to wipe away the tears.  That would admit she had fallen weak.

Paul slowly reached over and placed his hands atop hers. He wedged the fork and knife from her chilly fingers and moved one seat closer.  Her tears fell freely while she continued on.

"It's so damn lonely…" she cried out and her shoulders slumped.  Paul caught her in his arms and let her cry.  The sobs wracked her body and she didn't hold back.  Cathy didn't care about being judged. She was the strong one for so long - how was she expected to be strong forever.  If this made her weak so be it.  She was finished with being everyone else's rock.  This perfect stranger was willing to lend his strength for a moment and she took it.

"Just know that right now," he spoke as gently as he could "you are not alone."

"Thank you," Cathy choked out as best she could.

After some time, she pulled away and excused herself to go to the bathroom.  She could hear Paul ordering his apple strudel just before the bathroom door closed.  The mirror reflected her puffy eyes, runny nose and a nose that would have shamed Rudolph.  She cleaned herself up as best she could and thought about what just happened at the counter.  how could she have been so trusting.  She had no idea who this person was and yet she trusted him with her deepest secret.  Maybe she could explain to him some more and help make him understand.  

Cathy stalled in the bathroom, unsure what to do next.  She let her guard down which was a mistake.  How could she go out there and face him again? Maybe she could stay in the bathroom until he left.  

"Cathy, stop being so foolish.  Just go out there.  He was willing to listen, now be an ear for him" she took another deep breath, one to slow her pounding heart, and headed back to the counter.

She saw a plate of finished apple strudel and some cash for a tip but Paul was gone.  Her heart sank. 

"Not even a good-bye?" she felt new tears brimming.

"Donna, did you see where Paul went?"

"Sorry, hun, who?"

"The gentleman who was here, with the hat just a moment ago?  He had the strudel?"

"We have pie here, hun but no strudel.  Are you feeling okay?  Want me to call you a cab or something?"

"No, i'll be all right. Thanks for dinner. Merry Christmas."  

Cathy nodded to Clarice on her way out and headed for the bus stop.  Half a block down she wondered if she left enough of a tip and turned to go back.  When she found the door, the Open neon sign was off and chipped in several places.  There were NYC Department of Health stickers all over the door and windows claiming the site closed for unsanitary conditions.  The dust on the windows and floor showed it had been closed for days if not weeks.

"What the hell…?" Cathy felt full and could still taste cranberries.  She also remembered having arms wrapped around her while she cried.  Shaking her head she walked to the bus stop.  A few minutes later she could see Frank pulling up to the curb.  

"Hey - caught you on the return trip too!  Did you find what you were looking for?"

Cathy thought for a moment and then smiled.  "Yes, Frank, i think i did.  Time to go home."